Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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