I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
