Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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