We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
