I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
