im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
