Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
