Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
