I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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