I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
