You were right. It hurts to walk today.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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