Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
