mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
