swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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