So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
