Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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