If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
