So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize