I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
