Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
