Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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