Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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