you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
