I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Shame - the story of my life.
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