You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
