K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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