get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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