We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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