Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
