4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
