he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
