I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
