I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
