He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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