Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
