it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
