I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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