come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
