So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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