i don't like sucking hair
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
