he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
