That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
