i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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