Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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