Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
