how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
