You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
