The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
