He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I need moral support for this bender
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
