I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
