I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
