A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
