I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The beer is more important than you right now.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
