if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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