She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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