it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize