just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
