YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
