My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
