11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
