Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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