"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you would pick up someone in the library
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Ladies don't puke and tell
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
