I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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