I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
