He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
