Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
