There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
