I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
