Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize