Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
