There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
