Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
