Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
