the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I use my feet as sexual weapons
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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