dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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