Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
