Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
