With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
