im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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