so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
