My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
