Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
