Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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