Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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