Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
